Wednesday, October 31, 2007

This is a multipurpose blog. It probably won't get posted until tonight but It might get posted this morning.

Today I am wearing a shirt that says "Little Miss Sunshine" to remind that after the rain will come the sun.

Have any of you texters ever accidentally sent the wrong text to the wrong person. I did that yesterday morning. I thought i was sending "Good morning love, How are you?" to Annie. Nope I sent it to Anthony, a male youth sponsor. Yeah It was funny.

There are a few more things to add but I have to go I'll post another entry this morning.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

One year

It's almost been a year since Ryan passed on. He was such an integral part of youth group, it was hard to imagine youth group without him. I know that Momma and Poppa Dean will be clinging to the stuffed Ryan still slept with this week. Now it's a reality. If any of you have seen Rent, the musical, the song "Without You" reminds me a lot of him. I'll post the lyrics.

Without You
The Ground Thaws
The Rain Falls
The Grass Grows

Without You
The Seeds Root
The Flowers Bloom
The Children Play

The Stars Gleam
The poets dream
The Eagles Fly
Without You

The Earth Turns
The Sun Burns
But I Die
Without You

Without You
The Breeze Warms
The Girl Smiles
The Cloud Moves

Without You
The Tides Change
The Boys Run
The Oceans Crash

The Crowds Roar
The Days Soar
The Babies Cry
Without You

Well that is just part of the lyrics the rest can be found here. After death life moves on, for the survivors anyway. A year ago I said that God would bring us through our pain and that he would hold us up when we couldn't hold ourselves up. He is bigger than any pain we have. I still believe that. He did get us through our pain. He alone has the ability to make something tragic , good. Thinking back a few good things did happen as a result. His old play station was donated to the youth along with his games. We grew closer as a group. We got through it together. My prayers will be with the family as they meet this anniversary. Have a good week everyone. love you all.

-Allie

Monday, October 22, 2007

Few things today. I got my eyebrows done today. It was exhilerating. I <3>
years old, rips off the paper with the wax, sometimes not all the wax comes off with it and it's just annoying. Today I realized how lucky I am to have her. She's never given me a bad haircut or massacred an eyebrow. She's pretty much perfect.

My girl ,Annie, talked about me in her blog. I read her blog today and it made me cry, in the good sort of crying. Kudos to us. Three years ago I have everyone a card with my basic contact information on it. Annie still has that card, which I am amazed about. It makes me smile a whole lot. It gave me an ego boost. Woot, woot for me.

haha. I am leaving you with a quote, or a creed-The Raggers Creed, which I had forgotten about in my daily life, and would like to remember a little more often. You guys kick butt. I might blog about you guys, my readers, later. love you all.


I would be true, for there are those who trust me;

I would be pure, for there are those who care;
I would be strong, for there is much to suffer;
I would be brave, for there is much to dare;
I would be friend to all- the foe, the friendless;
I would be giving, forget the gift;
I would be humble, for I know my weakness;
I would look up and love and laugh and lift.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Camp

I just had a thought. This next summer is my last summer as a camper...Ever.

Camp has been a part of my life since I was eight years old...eight. I have always regarded Camp Crosley as home since I was nine years old. I stopped being a camper at Camp Crosley at 15. At sixteen I became a Councelor- in-Training. I've been a camper for ten years. This is my last year as a camper. Not being a camper means...growing up. Growing up scares me. What scares me most is growing out of wanting to go to camp. I know that there will come a day when going to camp will simply not work, because of work or time or whatever. I know then these days hit I'll have something else to love, just as much as I love camp right now.

I'm out chicas and chicos. love you all
allie

Remember

I just want to highlight something a very dear friend wrote. I love and respect this guy very much. He will do great things. Thanks for letting me post it.


He titled it "Remember"
Hope is waiting,
wanting, watching for a change. This change
will be leverage for things to go your way today. Faith
is holding on and letting go of something..sometimes all at
once. Fear is where you hide with the lesson taught that
apathy is safe and painless. Doubt is caused by a build
up of fear that plays on the mind and tells it to forget.
But...Love. Love so powerfully controls all other
feeling and emotion. Love is the origin and
reason for hope and faith. Love is also
the one unmatched defense
that causes all remaining
doubt and fear
to fade.

I added the colors on the things that really touch me. "Love is also the one unmatched defense that causes all remaining doubt and fear to fade." In other words love conquers all fear, all insecurities, and all pain. I just wanted to say this. Maybe it'll make you think like it's made me. It's supposed t be shaped as a heart...it might not work well.

Love you all
<3
Allie

Friday, October 19, 2007

Fall Break

Hey guys.

So It's fall break. We get a whole week off this year. I am not overly fond of it personally. but thats another rant for another day.

My day was pretty much amazing. At tucker the class watched the movie "The Nightmare Before Christmas" by Tim Burton...If I'm wrong someone correct me. I'm not a hug fan of Tim Burton movies myself, but it was good. I am in the process of reorganizing my pictures, or else I'd post some pictures from today. We also had donuts, thats important. In Economics we finished a movie, and took a test. It was ok. I went out to lunch with Courtney, a youth sponsor, she paid. Thats also important. We went to Wendy's. It was fun. Then in Algebra II we took a midterm...blegh. In AP Government we turned in notebooks, it was blegh. But then we had pizza. So all the food I had today I didn't pay for nor did my mommy, thats not including dinner.

I lent a picture to Mr. Munn today of the kids at the daycare my mother used for me and my brother. His daughter is in the picture. In my sophomore year I took Spanish, there was a boy in there, named Matt Lakes, he was an arrogant son of a gun, he still in my opinion. Mr. Munn mentioned to me that Matt and his brother Elliot were in the picture. My English teachers name is Terry Lakes. I just made the connection between the two today in class when he mentioned something about his son Matt. I hope you guys followed that. It could be confusing.

For fall break I am possibly going to FT. Wayne to help my dear friend Paula celebrate her birthday, if she gets better, she is sick right now. That also means getting the clothes I left two years ago at camp back. I'm excited. Tomorrow I'm going to a craft fair in Warsaw. It's gonna be fun. I'm not doing much else.

There are two of my lovely friends BJ and Willis who have never seen Rent. So I'm having a rent party so they can watch it. It'll be great fun.

JORDAN MARIE WILLIS!! Walk your butt on over to my house and fix my computer. I'll make cookies?

Yep yep. I love you all...ESP You camp Girlies...

-Allie

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Ok so some of you know that I love camp. I've gone to the same camp just about every summer. Last night I was thinking about camp and camp friends. Of the eight summers I went to the same camp. I still talk to two girls. two. I have the ability to maintain relationships with others through facebook, I just chose not too with some.

One of them, Annie, has no Facebook, nor myspace, only aim and a cell phone. I think it's pretty effing incredible that we've been able to maintain a friendship over the past two or three years. I just spent a week with this girl, and if my memory serves me right we didn't really hang out in that week. I've lost touch with people that live in Marion in shorter time that I've known her.

Paula is the other one. She's turning 21 next week. I met her when I was 12 or 13. The only real similarity we had at the time was that we shared an adjoined cabin. Two summers ago, I got the pleasure of both sharing a cabin with her and being a co-councilor with her.

I think camp friendships are a blessing to anyone who has them. I know mine are. I have my own thoerys of why they are so strong. hey require more work than your average friendships. Distance makes all of that sort of stuff harder, which is why I <3 these girls so much.

Sorry there are spelling errors I'll fix them when I get home.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Can love change the world?

I have a challenge for all of you....To love. Love like Jesus did. Love those that are harder to love. I'm going to try.

I think that love could change the world....anyone want to join me? If you join me let me know how it works for you.


bedtime for allie

<3

This weekend I had a friend over, Kirsti. We partied. It was fun. We made a bonfire and burned marshmallows. Yes Dani, without you. Last night I was texting one of the guys in the youth group about where we are with our faith about how we’re both struggling in the same aspects. We agreed that we need something mid-year after camp to bring us back up. It was nice to know that I’m not alone.

We went laser tagging today with the youth group. It was fun. I brought Kirsti with me. I met up with my friend Paula today from camp. I hadn’t seen her in a little over two years. That was thoroughly amazing. I have pictures but I need to upload them. I’ll do that soon I promise.

I was just watching the music video for the song Beautiful by Christina Aguilera. It was produced in the late 90’s early 00’s. It goes a lot of places that I’m surprised it does for the age group she catered to for the time and the time it was produces. Homosexaulity, transvestites, eating disorders, I’m a little surprised. And dang that girl can sing.

I’m out chicas and chicos. <3>

Allie


Friday, October 12, 2007

The Last Night

So, Allie is about to be deep. Yeah, shocker I know. I'll start with a song.

The Last Night
By: Skillet

You come to me with
scars on your wrists
You tell me this will be the last night
feeling like this

I just came to say good-bye
Didn't want you to see me cry
I'm fine

But I know it's a lie

This is the last night
You'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes
So I know you know
I'm everywhere
You want me to be

The last night
You'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms
And I won't let go
I'm everything
You need me to be

Your parents say
Everything is your fault
But they don't know you like I know you
They don't know you at all

I'm so sick of when they say
"Its just a phase you'll be ok
You're fine"

But I know it's a lie

This is the last night
You'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes
So I know you know
I'm everywhere
You want me to be

The last night
You'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms
And I won't let go
I'm everything
You need me to be

(The last night
away from me)

Tonight is so long when
Everythings wrong
If you give me your hand
I'll help you hang on

Tonight
Tonight

This is the last night
You'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes
So I know you know
I'm everywhere
You want me to be

The last night
You'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms
And I wont let go
I'm everything
You need me to be

I won't let you say goodbye
And I'll be your reason why
The last night
Away from me
Away from me

I was in my friend Kirsti's car when I heard this song after not hearing it for a long time. I knew the story behind it. For those of you who are unsure it's about cutting and suicide, and I think it's written from the perspective of a friend who's always there and/or God. It made me think. I've always believed in God on some level so I've never really been alone. So it's hard for me to fathom what it'd feel like to really be alone, or feel that way anyway.


This is the last night
You'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes
So I know you know
I'm everywhere
You want me to be

The last night
You'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms
And I won't let go
I'm everything
You need me to be
Thats the chorus. I have had friends who have been that( I'm everywhere/ You want me to be.),(I'm everything/ You need me to be). Those kinds of friends are few and far between, but I cherish the ones that are that for me. You know who you are.

Your parents say
Everything is your fault
But they don't know you like I know you
They don't know you at all

I'm so sick of when they say
"Its just a phase you'll be ok
You're fine"
This song is so true. Parents think they know everything a lot of the time, but they really don't. On this note I want to suggest to any parent, to step it up. If you have worries or concerns about your child, ask. You will probably be the last person they come to for help.


I'm done with this entry. But have a great night all of you. I love you all.

Allie

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Ryan


It's almost been a year since Ryan killed himself. It's kind of hard to fathom that he's really gone. I know I dealt with all of this a year ago, it just never really get easier.

The thought of Halloween now has a shadow over it. I don't know how I can really celebrate this year.

If anyone is thinking about hurting and/ or killing yourself, get help. Tell a teacher, pastor, parent, or friend. The National Hopeline is available to talk 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The number is 1.800.784.2433.

On a different note there is this bug going around the high school and tucker. It's like a severe cold that lasts forever. One of my friends had it for like four months. If I get it I will be pissed.

I'm off I have things to go before I crash.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

UPDATE

I'm finally updating, though it won't be long.

I have been super busy with my classes and stuff. I have had a ton of homework for all my classes but especially AP Government and AP English. In fact I just finished something for Goverment.

Other than that I have been pretty good. I need to do college applications. I am applying to Ball State, Purdue University, and Indiana University, as well as Northwestern University of Ohio. I need to take visit days pretty badly.

This weekend is pretty eventful actually. I am taking the SAT Saturday morning and going to Kokomo to go shopping with my grandmother. It should be fun. I was just in Kokomo like last weekend. When I was there last weekend I got a bag from hot topic and a pin. I got three hats and a big eraser from target. Thanks Jared, for that gift card last Christmas. I finally used it.

Tucker this year has been up and down. Keller has been a royal....Well I won't use colorful words here, at times. Then at other times he's been cool. I still feel completely stupid in English. I might drop english.

Thats about it for now. I am going to go sleep. You should too.

love you all,
Allie

PS: I like funny voice mails.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

I'm alive

I know it's been a while since I updated. I've been busy. But I'm not dead. I am alive. Though I doubt anyone did notice that I haven't been updating, cause lets face no one gets online and thinks "I have to check Allie's blog."

Love you all